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Dating And Dollars: How To Mix Love And Money In Your Twenties約會(huì)與金錢(qián)：年輕人如何處理愛(ài)情和金錢(qián)的關(guān)系 The internet is brimming with money tips for newlyweds — open a joint account, talk about your money values, budget for date night. While sound advice, these articles ignore a simple truth: your money relationship doesn’t begin when you walk down the aisle. It starts on your very first date. 互聯(lián)網(wǎng)為新婚夫婦提供了許多理財(cái)技巧——開(kāi)設(shè)聯(lián)名賬戶，溝通理財(cái)價(jià)值觀，為約會(huì)之夜制定預(yù)算。這些都是有益的忠告，不過(guò)這些文章忽略了一條簡(jiǎn)單的真理：你和配偶之間的金錢(qián)關(guān)系并非始于步入婚姻殿堂之時(shí)，而是從第一次約會(huì)就開(kāi)始了。 Rather than discussing finances in romantic relationships, we tend to quickly and quietly adapt to our beliefs about how the other person wants to deal with the issue. So if Mr. Wonderful pays on dates one and two, his dinner partner may assume he is happy to pay on dates three, four and 50. But that often leads to frustration from at least one party. Maybe, like most millennials, Mr. Wonderful can’t really afford to treat every time. Perhaps his date feels guilty for not contributing financially. 與其在戀愛(ài)中談錢(qián)，我們更傾向于迅速地悄悄去適應(yīng)另一半在這件事情上的看法。因此，如果說(shuō)好人君（Mr. Wonderful）頭一兩次約會(huì)都主動(dòng)掏錢(qián)，那他的約會(huì)對(duì)象可能就會(huì)覺(jué)得第三回、第四回甚至是第50回也都該由他買(mǎi)單。但這通常會(huì)至少讓其中一方感到沮喪失落。或許，像大多數(shù)千禧一代，好人君實(shí)際上無(wú)法每次都請(qǐng)客。也許他的約會(huì)對(duì)象會(huì)因?yàn)樵谪?cái)務(wù)上沒(méi)有做出貢獻(xiàn)而感到內(nèi)疚。 You are probably thinking, ‘just say something.’ But chances are you wouldn’t. 你可能會(huì)想，“說(shuō)說(shuō)清楚吧。”不過(guò)你多半開(kāi)不了口。 “We are all ‘funny’ about money, no matter how much or how little money we have, ” writes Dr. Kate Levinson in her book Emotional Currency. If, as the oft quoted statistic says, 70% of divorces are due to money woes, what financial changes can couples make early on to fortify their long term odds? 凱特·萊文森（Kate Levinson）博士在《情感貨幣》（Emotional Currency）一書(shū)中寫(xiě)道，“我們對(duì)待金錢(qián)的態(tài)度都很“有趣”，無(wú)論是有錢(qián)還是沒(méi)錢(qián)人。”據(jù)經(jīng)常引用的統(tǒng)計(jì)數(shù)字表明，70%的人離婚是因?yàn)榻?jīng)濟(jì)問(wèn)題，那么，夫妻可以提前在財(cái)務(wù)方面做出哪些改變，來(lái)鞏固長(zhǎng)期的婚姻關(guān)系？ Scott Rick, a marketing professor at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business, studies the links between money, attraction and marital happiness. In a 2011 paper, “ Fatal (Fiscal) Attraction: Spendthrifts and Tightwads in Marriage, ” Rick and his co-authors reveal that tightwads (people who tend to spend less than they would like to) often marry spendthrifts (people who spend more than they would like to). 密歇根大學(xué)羅斯商學(xué)院（University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business）市場(chǎng)營(yíng)銷(xiāo)學(xué)教授斯科特·里克（Scott Rick）專(zhuān)注于研究金錢(qián)、吸引力和婚姻幸福間的聯(lián)系。在2011年的論文《致命（財(cái)務(wù)）吸引力：婚姻中的敗家子和吝嗇鬼》（Fatal (Fiscal) Attraction: Spendthrifts and Tightwads in Marriage）中，里克與合作者們揭示了吝嗇鬼（那些花錢(qián)節(jié)儉的人）通常會(huì)和敗家子（那些花錢(qián)大手大腳的人）結(jié)婚的真相。 “Generally we marry ourselves. We go out and find someone who mirrors the things we like about ourselves, ” says Rick, who began looking at spendthrifts and tightwads in relationships when he married a tightwad. “But a tightwad doesn’t like being a tightwad. A spendthrift does not like being a spendthrift. It turns out they don’t want a second one of themselves in the home.” Rick explains that the differences initially lead to attraction but eventually becomes less fun when you need to make decisions of economic consequence. 自打娶了個(gè)小氣老婆之后，里克就開(kāi)始研究情侶關(guān)系中的敗家子和吝嗇鬼，他表示，“通常來(lái)說(shuō)，我們會(huì)和同類(lèi)人結(jié)婚。我們出去約會(huì)，尋找那些和我們興趣相投的人。但是極其摳門(mén)的人不喜歡成為吝嗇鬼。揮霍無(wú)度的人也不喜歡成為敗家子。事實(shí)證明，他們都不喜歡在家里看到第二個(gè)自己。”里克解釋說(shuō)，最初的性格差異會(huì)導(dǎo)致愛(ài)情吸引，但是當(dāng)需要做出有一定經(jīng)濟(jì)影響的決定時(shí)，這就沒(méi)那么好玩了。 Around this time last year, a much talked about New York Times article reveled a trend of young adults asking for their love interest’s credit score to determine if he or she is worth pursuing. In one anecdote a 31 year old flight attendant was quickly disenchanted when a suitor asked about her credit score on their very first date. 去年大約這個(gè)時(shí)候，《紐約時(shí)報(bào)》（New York Times）刊出的一篇文章引發(fā)了熱烈的討論，文章報(bào)道美國(guó)年輕人流行打聽(tīng)自己心儀對(duì)象的信用評(píng)分，以衡量對(duì)方是否值得追求。有這樣一段軼事，當(dāng)追求者在雙方第一次約會(huì)中問(wèn)及她的信用評(píng)分時(shí)，一位31歲的空姐突然立刻不再抱幻想。 Like our dating lives, a person’s relationship to money cannot be boiled down to a single statistic. Maybe wait a few dates to bring up nitty gritty details like credit scores and 401k balances. Instead Levinson says you should see if the relationship “has legs” and keep an eye out for “patterns.” Does one partner always pay? Are you are being overly generous, while your partner is being tightfisted? How does that make you feel? 跟約會(huì)那樣，人與金錢(qián)的關(guān)系不能簡(jiǎn)單歸結(jié)為一個(gè)數(shù)字。也許等約會(huì)過(guò)幾次，再打聽(tīng)彼此的信用評(píng)分以及401K退休金戶頭余額等這些具體細(xì)節(jié)吧。萊文森表示，重點(diǎn)要看這段戀愛(ài)關(guān)系是否“能長(zhǎng)久”，密切注意“交往模式”。是否總是一方在付錢(qián)？你是否過(guò)于慷慨，而約會(huì)對(duì)象特別摳門(mén)？這讓你有什么感覺(jué)？ If you are unhappy with your money exchanges, Levinson recommends approaching the topic in the same way you might the dirty socks your girlfriend leaves around. ‘You always leave your socks on the floor and that’s irritating to me. Why don’t you put them in the hamper?’ is not so different from saying, ‘You never let me pay for dinner and that’s irritating to me. What is that about for you?’ Don’t criticize, but instead try to come to a mutual understanding of why you each behave the way you do. 如果你對(duì)你們的金錢(qián)往來(lái)不滿意，萊文森建議，解決這個(gè)問(wèn)題可以仿效處理女朋友亂扔臟襪子的做法。“你總是把襪子扔在地板上，這讓我很惱火。為什么不把襪子放在洗衣籃里？”其實(shí)這樣說(shuō)沒(méi)有多大不同：“你總是不讓我請(qǐng)你吃晚餐，這讓我很惱火。這是怎么回事？”不要批評(píng)對(duì)方，而是嘗試相互理解，為什么你們各自會(huì)有這種行為。 Married financial planners Scott and Bethany Palmer describe money as a laboratory, by observing your love-interest’s spending habits you can get to know him or her. If you, for example, notice that the girl you have gone out with a few times is careful with her pennies you can compliment her self control. If you notice she throws spending caution to the wind you can ask about her non-financial adventures. “When you are dating you really have the opportunity to see what you are about to get into, ” says Scott. 婚內(nèi)理財(cái)規(guī)劃師斯科特·帕爾默（Scott Palmer）和貝瑟尼·帕爾默（Bethany Palmer）把金錢(qián)形容為一座實(shí)驗(yàn)室，通過(guò)觀察心儀對(duì)象的消費(fèi)習(xí)慣，可以了解對(duì)方的為人。比如說(shuō)，如果你注意到，和你約會(huì)過(guò)幾次的女友花錢(qián)很仔細(xì)，你可以稱(chēng)贊她的自我控制力。如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)她花錢(qián)大手大腳，也可以詢問(wèn)她在財(cái)務(wù)方面以外的冒險(xiǎn)經(jīng)歷。斯科特說(shuō)，“約會(huì)的時(shí)候，實(shí)際上是有機(jī)會(huì)看清楚對(duì)方是什么樣的人的。” There are, however, also warnings signs to look for. You may want to rethink a relationship if someone is unwilling to discuss money, lies about their finances or doesn’t pay you back. Perhaps your date said he left a tip for that friendly waitress on the table, but you find no cash when you run back to get your sunglasses. Don’t let red flags go. “Once we are in love with somebody, ” Levinson notes, “we are vulnerable to taking care of someone in ways that are not healthy.” 當(dāng)然也有些信號(hào)要警惕。如果對(duì)方不愿討論金錢(qián)，對(duì)財(cái)務(wù)狀況撒謊，只有索取沒(méi)有付出，那么你可能就要重新考慮與之的關(guān)系。也許你的約會(huì)對(duì)象會(huì)說(shuō)，他有把小費(fèi)放在桌子上留給親切友好的女服務(wù)生，但當(dāng)你回去找落下的太陽(yáng)眼鏡時(shí)，卻沒(méi)有看到。不要放過(guò)這樣的危險(xiǎn)信號(hào)。萊文森指出，“一旦愛(ài)上某個(gè)人，我們就很容易用一些不健康的方式去縱容對(duì)方。” A psychotherapist, Levinson is currently working with a couple that has been dating for four years and wants to buy a house. Both partners have steady incomes, but one has additional family money. Generous with small expenses, the partner with extra funds wants to split the home 50/50 even if it means buying a lesser property. The other partner cannot understand why his mate isn’t willing to pay more and take a larger share of the equity so they can live in a home they love. “The work, ” says Levinson, “is really about figuring out why she needs to be so boundaried here and having her partner understand why.” Being in love (like or lust) doesn’t preclude the realities of financial inequality and assumptions. By the same token, knowing the contents of someone’s bank account doesn’t mean you understand his or her relationship to it. 作為一名心理治療師，萊文森目前正為一對(duì)情侶提供咨詢，他們交往了四年并想購(gòu)買(mǎi)一棟房產(chǎn)。雙方都有穩(wěn)定收入，其中一方擁有額外的家庭財(cái)產(chǎn)。手頭更寬裕的女方雖然在小額支出上很大方，但卻希望平攤購(gòu)房費(fèi)用，即便這意味著他們只能買(mǎi)小一點(diǎn)的房子也在所不惜。男方不能理解為什么女友不愿意多掏點(diǎn)錢(qián)，多負(fù)擔(dān)一點(diǎn)購(gòu)房費(fèi)用，這樣他們就能住上一棟自己喜歡的房子。萊文森說(shuō)，“咨詢實(shí)際上是為了搞清楚，為什么她需要在買(mǎi)房問(wèn)題上劃清界限，并讓男友理解其中的原因。”墜入愛(ài)河（喜歡或欲望）不能排除財(cái)務(wù)不對(duì)等的現(xiàn)實(shí)和假設(shè)。出于同樣的原因，知道某人銀行賬戶有多少錢(qián)，并不意味著你就理解對(duì)方的金錢(qián)觀念。
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10 most depression jobs世界上最令人郁悶的10種工作 Some jobs are more depression-prone than others. Here are 10 fields (out of 21 major job categories) in which full-time workers are most likely to report an episode of major depression in a given year. But if you want to be a nurse (No. 4), it doesn’t mean you should pick another profession. 我們發(fā)現(xiàn)在21種常見(jiàn)的工作里，有10種更容易使人抑郁。在一定的工作年限里，全職從事這10種工作的人更容易患上一次嚴(yán)重抑郁。不過(guò)話說(shuō)回來(lái)，如果你很想成為一名護(hù)士(排名第四)，也并不意味著因?yàn)檫@個(gè)你就得換個(gè)職業(yè)。 “There are certain aspects of any job that can contribute to or exacerbate depression, ” says Deborah Legge, PhD, a licensed mental health counselor in Buffalo. "Folks with the high-stress jobs have a greater chance of managing it if they take care of themselves and get the help they need.” 紐約州掛牌的精神健康顧問(wèn)迪波拉萊格博士(Deborah Legge)說(shuō)：“任何工作都可能引起，或者加重抑郁。從事高壓力工作的人，如果學(xué)會(huì)善待自己，并在需要的時(shí)候向?qū)I(yè)人士尋求幫助，還是很有希望控制好壓力的。” Personal-care providers top the list, with nearly 11% of people in this field reporting a bout of major depression. (The rate is 13% in the unemployed; 7% in the general population.) "It is stressful, seeing people sick and not getting a lot of positive reinforcement." 保姆/護(hù)工的壓力排名第一。將近11%的保姆有過(guò)一次嚴(yán)重抑郁的經(jīng)歷。(該比率在失業(yè)者中是13%，在普通人群中的是7%。) “這份工作的壓力真的非常大，整天照看病人，又始終得不到正面的反饋支持。”有護(hù)工這樣說(shuō)。 A typical day can include feeding, bathing, and caring for others who are "often incapable of expressing gratitude or appreciation…because they are too ill or too young or they just aren’t in the habit of it, " says Christopher Willard, clinical psychologist at Tufts University and author of Child’s Mind. 塔夫斯大學(xué)的臨床精神科專(zhuān)家和兒童心理學(xué)的作者克里斯托佛威爾德(Christopher Willard)說(shuō)，保姆或護(hù)工每天的工作就是給那些沒(méi)有辦法表達(dá)感激的人喂食、洗澡和提供照顧，而那些被照顧的人要么病得太重、要么年紀(jì)太小，要么根本不習(xí)慣表達(dá)感謝。 Ranking just below professional-care workers are the people who are serving the food at your favorite local digs. Wait staff often get low pay and can have exhausting jobs with numerous people telling them what to do each day. While 10% of workers in general reported an episode of major depression in the past year, almost 15% of women in this field did so. 排在保姆/護(hù)工之后的是飯館服務(wù)員。這些人通常工資很低又工作辛苦，每天都有數(shù)不清的人告訴他們應(yīng)該做什么。 有10%的工作者在過(guò)去一年經(jīng)歷過(guò)嚴(yán)重抑郁，而有15%的餐廳女服務(wù)員也是這樣。 "This is often a very thankless job, " Legge says. "People can be really rude and there is a lot of physical exertion. When people are depressed, it is hard to have energy and motivation—when you have to be on, it is difficult." 萊格博士說(shuō)“飯館服務(wù)員是個(gè)費(fèi)力不討好的工作。接受服務(wù)的人有時(shí)真的很粗魯，同時(shí)這項(xiàng)工作又非常需要體力。人們沮喪時(shí)，很難獲得工作的能量和動(dòng)力，但同時(shí)又不得不拼命工作，這確實(shí)非常困難。” It’s probably not a huge surprise to find social workers near the top of this list. Dealing with abused children or families on the brink of every imaginable crisis—combined with bureaucratic red tape—can make for a demanding, stressful job that’s often 24-7. 社工位于這項(xiàng)調(diào)查的前列應(yīng)該并不奇怪。每天都要面對(duì)不可想象的危機(jī)——受虐的兒童，瀕臨破碎的家庭，再加上官僚作風(fēng)的繁文縟節(jié)，使得這份工作的壓力非常大，而且通常需要24小時(shí)待命。 "There can be a culture that says that to do a good job, you have to work really hard and often make sacrifices, " Willard says. 威爾德說(shuō)“做好一份工作就必須十分努力，并且經(jīng)常做出犧牲，這已經(jīng)成了某種社會(huì)文化。” "Because social workers work with people who are so needy, it can be hard to not sacrifice too much to the job. I see that happen a lot with social workers and other caring professions, and they get really burned out pretty quickly." “由于社工的工作對(duì)象是那些極度需要幫助的人群，所以他們?cè)诠ぷ髦胁蛔龀鰳O大的犧牲是不可能的。我見(jiàn)到許多這樣的例子，他們確實(shí)很快就會(huì)筋疲力盡。” This includes doctors, nurses, therapists, and other professions that attract people who might end up giving a lot without saving a little for themselves. Health-care workers can have long, irregular hours and days in which other people’s lives are literally in their hands. In other words, the stress can be off the charts. 醫(yī)護(hù)工作者包括醫(yī)生、護(hù)士、治療師和其他類(lèi)似的專(zhuān)業(yè)人員，這份職業(yè)看起來(lái)似乎挺吸引人，其實(shí)他們很可能付出了很多，但到頭來(lái)什么也沒(méi)得到。醫(yī)護(hù)工作者不但工作時(shí)間超長(zhǎng)、沒(méi)有規(guī)律，而且總是處在生死攸關(guān)的關(guān)頭。 換而言之，壓力大得無(wú)以言表。 "Every day they are seeing sickness, trauma, and death and dealing with family members of patients, " Willard says. "It can shade one’s outlook on the whole that the world is a sadder place." 威爾德說(shuō)：“他們每天都面對(duì)病痛、外傷和死亡，還要和患者的家屬交涉。他們的眼前一片灰暗，目之所及的地方都是悲慘世界。” These jobs can bring irregular paychecks, uncertain hours, and isolation. 這些工作收入不穩(wěn)定，工作時(shí)間不固定，而且要承受孤獨(dú)寂寞。 Creative people may also have higher rates of mood disorders; about 9% reported an episode of major depression in the previous year. In men, it’s the job category most likely to be associated with an episode of major depression (nearly 7% in full-time workers). 藝術(shù)家通常患精神失常的危險(xiǎn)性更大，有約9%的人在過(guò)去一年內(nèi)經(jīng)歷了重度抑郁，特別是此類(lèi)工作中的男性，患重度抑郁的比率最高(全職工作的男性中有接近 7%患重度抑郁)。 "One thing I see a lot in entertainers and artists is bipolar illness, " says Legge. "There could be undiagnosed or untreated mood disorders in people who are artistic…. Depression is not uncommon to those who are drawn to work in the arts, and then the lifestyle contributes to it." 萊格說(shuō)“我經(jīng)常見(jiàn)到藝人和藝術(shù)家患兩極化(抑郁和躁狂)疾病。他們的精神紊亂很多未被診斷或治療。在藝術(shù)領(lǐng)域工作的人，抑郁非常普遍，這與他們的生活方式有一定聯(lián)系。” The demands on teachers seem to be constantly growing. Many work after school and then take work home. In many areas, they learn to do a lot with a little. 社會(huì)對(duì)教師的要求似乎在不斷增加。許多老師課后還有大量的工作，甚至需要把工作帶回家。 在很多方面，他們都得學(xué)會(huì)利用有限的資源開(kāi)展十分繁重的工作。 "There are pressures from many different audiences—the kids, their parents, and the schools trying to meet standards, all (of which) have different demands, " Willard says. "This can make it difficult for teachers to do their thing and remember the reason they got started in the field." 威爾德說(shuō)“各方面都對(duì)老師造成壓力：孩子、家長(zhǎng)、學(xué)校，各方面又有各自不同的要求。這使得老師們難以開(kāi)展他們的工作，也容易使他們失去當(dāng)初從事教育事業(yè)的初衷。”
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