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Dating And Dollars: How To Mix Love And Money In Your Twenties約會與金錢：年輕人如何處理愛情和金錢的關系 The internet is brimming with money tips for newlyweds — open a joint account, talk about your money values, budget for date night. While sound advice, these articles ignore a simple truth: your money relationship doesn’t begin when you walk down the aisle. It starts on your very first date. 互聯網為新婚夫婦提供了許多理財技巧——開設聯名賬戶，溝通理財價值觀，為約會之夜制定預算。這些都是有益的忠告，不過這些文章忽略了一條簡單的真理：你和配偶之間的金錢關系并非始于步入婚姻殿堂之時，而是從第一次約會就開始了。 Rather than discussing finances in romantic relationships, we tend to quickly and quietly adapt to our beliefs about how the other person wants to deal with the issue. So if Mr. Wonderful pays on dates one and two, his dinner partner may assume he is happy to pay on dates three, four and 50. But that often leads to frustration from at least one party. Maybe, like most millennials, Mr. Wonderful can’t really afford to treat every time. Perhaps his date feels guilty for not contributing financially. 與其在戀愛中談錢，我們更傾向于迅速地悄悄去適應另一半在這件事情上的看法。因此，如果說好人君（Mr. Wonderful）頭一兩次約會都主動掏錢，那他的約會對象可能就會覺得第三回、第四回甚至是第50回也都該由他買單。但這通常會至少讓其中一方感到沮喪失落。或許，像大多數千禧一代，好人君實際上無法每次都請客。也許他的約會對象會因為在財務上沒有做出貢獻而感到內疚。 You are probably thinking, ‘just say something.’ But chances are you wouldn’t. 你可能會想，“說說清楚吧。”不過你多半開不了口。 “We are all ‘funny’ about money, no matter how much or how little money we have, ” writes Dr. Kate Levinson in her book Emotional Currency. If, as the oft quoted statistic says, 70% of divorces are due to money woes, what financial changes can couples make early on to fortify their long term odds? 凱特·萊文森（Kate Levinson）博士在《情感貨幣》（Emotional Currency）一書中寫道，“我們對待金錢的態度都很“有趣”，無論是有錢還是沒錢人。”據經常引用的統計數字表明，70%的人離婚是因為經濟問題，那么，夫妻可以提前在財務方面做出哪些改變，來鞏固長期的婚姻關系？ Scott Rick, a marketing professor at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business, studies the links between money, attraction and marital happiness. In a 2011 paper, “ Fatal (Fiscal) Attraction: Spendthrifts and Tightwads in Marriage, ” Rick and his co-authors reveal that tightwads (people who tend to spend less than they would like to) often marry spendthrifts (people who spend more than they would like to). 密歇根大學羅斯商學院（University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business）市場營銷學教授斯科特·里克（Scott Rick）專注于研究金錢、吸引力和婚姻幸福間的聯系。在2011年的論文《致命（財務）吸引力：婚姻中的敗家子和吝嗇鬼》（Fatal (Fiscal) Attraction: Spendthrifts and Tightwads in Marriage）中，里克與合作者們揭示了吝嗇鬼（那些花錢節儉的人）通常會和敗家子（那些花錢大手大腳的人）結婚的真相。 “Generally we marry ourselves. We go out and find someone who mirrors the things we like about ourselves, ” says Rick, who began looking at spendthrifts and tightwads in relationships when he married a tightwad. “But a tightwad doesn’t like being a tightwad. A spendthrift does not like being a spendthrift. It turns out they don’t want a second one of themselves in the home.” Rick explains that the differences initially lead to attraction but eventually becomes less fun when you need to make decisions of economic consequence. 自打娶了個小氣老婆之后，里克就開始研究情侶關系中的敗家子和吝嗇鬼，他表示，“通常來說，我們會和同類人結婚。我們出去約會，尋找那些和我們興趣相投的人。但是極其摳門的人不喜歡成為吝嗇鬼。揮霍無度的人也不喜歡成為敗家子。事實證明，他們都不喜歡在家里看到第二個自己。”里克解釋說，最初的性格差異會導致愛情吸引，但是當需要做出有一定經濟影響的決定時，這就沒那么好玩了。 Around this time last year, a much talked about New York Times article reveled a trend of young adults asking for their love interest’s credit score to determine if he or she is worth pursuing. In one anecdote a 31 year old flight attendant was quickly disenchanted when a suitor asked about her credit score on their very first date. 去年大約這個時候，《紐約時報》（New York Times）刊出的一篇文章引發了熱烈的討論，文章報道美國年輕人流行打聽自己心儀對象的信用評分，以衡量對方是否值得追求。有這樣一段軼事，當追求者在雙方第一次約會中問及她的信用評分時，一位31歲的空姐突然立刻不再抱幻想。 Like our dating lives, a person’s relationship to money cannot be boiled down to a single statistic. Maybe wait a few dates to bring up nitty gritty details like credit scores and 401k balances. Instead Levinson says you should see if the relationship “has legs” and keep an eye out for “patterns.” Does one partner always pay? Are you are being overly generous, while your partner is being tightfisted? How does that make you feel? 跟約會那樣，人與金錢的關系不能簡單歸結為一個數字。也許等約會過幾次，再打聽彼此的信用評分以及401K退休金戶頭余額等這些具體細節吧。萊文森表示，重點要看這段戀愛關系是否“能長久”，密切注意“交往模式”。是否總是一方在付錢？你是否過于慷慨，而約會對象特別摳門？這讓你有什么感覺？ If you are unhappy with your money exchanges, Levinson recommends approaching the topic in the same way you might the dirty socks your girlfriend leaves around. ‘You always leave your socks on the floor and that’s irritating to me. Why don’t you put them in the hamper?’ is not so different from saying, ‘You never let me pay for dinner and that’s irritating to me. What is that about for you?’ Don’t criticize, but instead try to come to a mutual understanding of why you each behave the way you do. 如果你對你們的金錢往來不滿意，萊文森建議，解決這個問題可以仿效處理女朋友亂扔臟襪子的做法。“你總是把襪子扔在地板上，這讓我很惱火。為什么不把襪子放在洗衣籃里？”其實這樣說沒有多大不同：“你總是不讓我請你吃晚餐，這讓我很惱火。這是怎么回事？”不要批評對方，而是嘗試相互理解，為什么你們各自會有這種行為。 Married financial planners Scott and Bethany Palmer describe money as a laboratory, by observing your love-interest’s spending habits you can get to know him or her. If you, for example, notice that the girl you have gone out with a few times is careful with her pennies you can compliment her self control. If you notice she throws spending caution to the wind you can ask about her non-financial adventures. “When you are dating you really have the opportunity to see what you are about to get into, ” says Scott. 婚內理財規劃師斯科特·帕爾默（Scott Palmer）和貝瑟尼·帕爾默（Bethany Palmer）把金錢形容為一座實驗室，通過觀察心儀對象的消費習慣，可以了解對方的為人。比如說，如果你注意到，和你約會過幾次的女友花錢很仔細，你可以稱贊她的自我控制力。如果你發現她花錢大手大腳，也可以詢問她在財務方面以外的冒險經歷。斯科特說，“約會的時候，實際上是有機會看清楚對方是什么樣的人的。” There are, however, also warnings signs to look for. You may want to rethink a relationship if someone is unwilling to discuss money, lies about their finances or doesn’t pay you back. Perhaps your date said he left a tip for that friendly waitress on the table, but you find no cash when you run back to get your sunglasses. Don’t let red flags go. “Once we are in love with somebody, ” Levinson notes, “we are vulnerable to taking care of someone in ways that are not healthy.” 當然也有些信號要警惕。如果對方不愿討論金錢，對財務狀況撒謊，只有索取沒有付出，那么你可能就要重新考慮與之的關系。也許你的約會對象會說，他有把小費放在桌子上留給親切友好的女服務生，但當你回去找落下的太陽眼鏡時，卻沒有看到。不要放過這樣的危險信號。萊文森指出，“一旦愛上某個人，我們就很容易用一些不健康的方式去縱容對方。” A psychotherapist, Levinson is currently working with a couple that has been dating for four years and wants to buy a house. Both partners have steady incomes, but one has additional family money. Generous with small expenses, the partner with extra funds wants to split the home 50/50 even if it means buying a lesser property. The other partner cannot understand why his mate isn’t willing to pay more and take a larger share of the equity so they can live in a home they love. “The work, ” says Levinson, “is really about figuring out why she needs to be so boundaried here and having her partner understand why.” Being in love (like or lust) doesn’t preclude the realities of financial inequality and assumptions. By the same token, knowing the contents of someone’s bank account doesn’t mean you understand his or her relationship to it. 作為一名心理治療師，萊文森目前正為一對情侶提供咨詢，他們交往了四年并想購買一棟房產。雙方都有穩定收入，其中一方擁有額外的家庭財產。手頭更寬裕的女方雖然在小額支出上很大方，但卻希望平攤購房費用，即便這意味著他們只能買小一點的房子也在所不惜。男方不能理解為什么女友不愿意多掏點錢，多負擔一點購房費用，這樣他們就能住上一棟自己喜歡的房子。萊文森說，“咨詢實際上是為了搞清楚，為什么她需要在買房問題上劃清界限，并讓男友理解其中的原因。”墜入愛河（喜歡或欲望）不能排除財務不對等的現實和假設。出于同樣的原因，知道某人銀行賬戶有多少錢，并不意味著你就理解對方的金錢觀念。
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10 most depression jobs世界上最令人郁悶的10種工作 Some jobs are more depression-prone than others. Here are 10 fields (out of 21 major job categories) in which full-time workers are most likely to report an episode of major depression in a given year. But if you want to be a nurse (No. 4), it doesn’t mean you should pick another profession. 我們發現在21種常見的工作里，有10種更容易使人抑郁。在一定的工作年限里，全職從事這10種工作的人更容易患上一次嚴重抑郁。不過話說回來，如果你很想成為一名護士(排名第四)，也并不意味著因為這個你就得換個職業。 “There are certain aspects of any job that can contribute to or exacerbate depression, ” says Deborah Legge, PhD, a licensed mental health counselor in Buffalo. "Folks with the high-stress jobs have a greater chance of managing it if they take care of themselves and get the help they need.” 紐約州掛牌的精神健康顧問迪波拉萊格博士(Deborah Legge)說：“任何工作都可能引起，或者加重抑郁。從事高壓力工作的人，如果學會善待自己，并在需要的時候向專業人士尋求幫助，還是很有希望控制好壓力的。” Personal-care providers top the list, with nearly 11% of people in this field reporting a bout of major depression. (The rate is 13% in the unemployed; 7% in the general population.) "It is stressful, seeing people sick and not getting a lot of positive reinforcement." 保姆/護工的壓力排名第一。將近11%的保姆有過一次嚴重抑郁的經歷。(該比率在失業者中是13%，在普通人群中的是7%。) “這份工作的壓力真的非常大，整天照看病人，又始終得不到正面的反饋支持。”有護工這樣說。 A typical day can include feeding, bathing, and caring for others who are "often incapable of expressing gratitude or appreciation…because they are too ill or too young or they just aren’t in the habit of it, " says Christopher Willard, clinical psychologist at Tufts University and author of Child’s Mind. 塔夫斯大學的臨床精神科專家和兒童心理學的作者克里斯托佛威爾德(Christopher Willard)說，保姆或護工每天的工作就是給那些沒有辦法表達感激的人喂食、洗澡和提供照顧，而那些被照顧的人要么病得太重、要么年紀太小，要么根本不習慣表達感謝。 Ranking just below professional-care workers are the people who are serving the food at your favorite local digs. Wait staff often get low pay and can have exhausting jobs with numerous people telling them what to do each day. While 10% of workers in general reported an episode of major depression in the past year, almost 15% of women in this field did so. 排在保姆/護工之后的是飯館服務員。這些人通常工資很低又工作辛苦，每天都有數不清的人告訴他們應該做什么。 有10%的工作者在過去一年經歷過嚴重抑郁，而有15%的餐廳女服務員也是這樣。 "This is often a very thankless job, " Legge says. "People can be really rude and there is a lot of physical exertion. When people are depressed, it is hard to have energy and motivation—when you have to be on, it is difficult." 萊格博士說“飯館服務員是個費力不討好的工作。接受服務的人有時真的很粗魯，同時這項工作又非常需要體力。人們沮喪時，很難獲得工作的能量和動力，但同時又不得不拼命工作，這確實非常困難。” It’s probably not a huge surprise to find social workers near the top of this list. Dealing with abused children or families on the brink of every imaginable crisis—combined with bureaucratic red tape—can make for a demanding, stressful job that’s often 24-7. 社工位于這項調查的前列應該并不奇怪。每天都要面對不可想象的危機——受虐的兒童，瀕臨破碎的家庭，再加上官僚作風的繁文縟節，使得這份工作的壓力非常大，而且通常需要24小時待命。 "There can be a culture that says that to do a good job, you have to work really hard and often make sacrifices, " Willard says. 威爾德說“做好一份工作就必須十分努力，并且經常做出犧牲，這已經成了某種社會文化。” "Because social workers work with people who are so needy, it can be hard to not sacrifice too much to the job. I see that happen a lot with social workers and other caring professions, and they get really burned out pretty quickly." “由于社工的工作對象是那些極度需要幫助的人群，所以他們在工作中不做出極大的犧牲是不可能的。我見到許多這樣的例子，他們確實很快就會筋疲力盡。” This includes doctors, nurses, therapists, and other professions that attract people who might end up giving a lot without saving a little for themselves. Health-care workers can have long, irregular hours and days in which other people’s lives are literally in their hands. In other words, the stress can be off the charts. 醫護工作者包括醫生、護士、治療師和其他類似的專業人員，這份職業看起來似乎挺吸引人，其實他們很可能付出了很多，但到頭來什么也沒得到。醫護工作者不但工作時間超長、沒有規律，而且總是處在生死攸關的關頭。 換而言之，壓力大得無以言表。 "Every day they are seeing sickness, trauma, and death and dealing with family members of patients, " Willard says. "It can shade one’s outlook on the whole that the world is a sadder place." 威爾德說：“他們每天都面對病痛、外傷和死亡，還要和患者的家屬交涉。他們的眼前一片灰暗，目之所及的地方都是悲慘世界。” These jobs can bring irregular paychecks, uncertain hours, and isolation. 這些工作收入不穩定，工作時間不固定，而且要承受孤獨寂寞。 Creative people may also have higher rates of mood disorders; about 9% reported an episode of major depression in the previous year. In men, it’s the job category most likely to be associated with an episode of major depression (nearly 7% in full-time workers). 藝術家通常患精神失常的危險性更大，有約9%的人在過去一年內經歷了重度抑郁，特別是此類工作中的男性，患重度抑郁的比率最高(全職工作的男性中有接近 7%患重度抑郁)。 "One thing I see a lot in entertainers and artists is bipolar illness, " says Legge. "There could be undiagnosed or untreated mood disorders in people who are artistic…. Depression is not uncommon to those who are drawn to work in the arts, and then the lifestyle contributes to it." 萊格說“我經常見到藝人和藝術家患兩極化(抑郁和躁狂)疾病。他們的精神紊亂很多未被診斷或治療。在藝術領域工作的人，抑郁非常普遍，這與他們的生活方式有一定聯系。” The demands on teachers seem to be constantly growing. Many work after school and then take work home. In many areas, they learn to do a lot with a little. 社會對教師的要求似乎在不斷增加。許多老師課后還有大量的工作，甚至需要把工作帶回家。 在很多方面，他們都得學會利用有限的資源開展十分繁重的工作。 "There are pressures from many different audiences—the kids, their parents, and the schools trying to meet standards, all (of which) have different demands, " Willard says. "This can make it difficult for teachers to do their thing and remember the reason they got started in the field." 威爾德說“各方面都對老師造成壓力：孩子、家長、學校，各方面又有各自不同的要求。這使得老師們難以開展他們的工作，也容易使他們失去當初從事教育事業的初衷。”
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