救命！老板快把我逼瘋了！

當老板是個控制狂時，你和同事們可能會心生反抗之意。但其實還有一個更好的策略。

親愛的安妮：我們過去的工作團隊非常融洽，但后來我們的老板換成了一個從另一公司挖來的經理，他總是想控制我們的每一個行動。他老是堅持詳細地告訴每個人該做什么、應當怎樣做（盡管我們多年來在自己的崗位做得都很好）。哪怕再小的細節也逃不脫他的仔細檢查，而且他還不斷頒發新的規則指南，有些規則自相矛盾。     因此，有些同事就干脆采取消極進攻的方法，故意惹惱他，這就意味著，他對整個團隊施加的壓力更大。我可以舉幾個讓你毛骨悚然的例子，但重點是，目前的情況快把我們給逼瘋了。我們可以采取什么措施來改變他的行為嗎？又或者我們只能咬咬牙，堅持到下一位老板上任？——咬牙切齒（Gritting My Teeth）。     親愛的GMT：呃，控制狂的老板。我們可能都曾遇到過這樣的老板。艾伯特•J.伯恩斯坦(Albert J.Bernstein)博士(www.albernstein.com)從事臨床心理學已有35年，最近出版了一本非常不錯的新書，名為《我是辦公室里唯一的正常人？——101個妙招攻克辦公室心理病》（Am I The Only Sane One Working Here?: 101 Solutions for Surviving Office Insanity）（麥克勞希爾出版社（McGraw-Hill），16.95美元）。他說：“控制欲過強的領導是讓員工造反的主要管理人類型之一�！�     向伯恩斯坦進行咨詢的客戶很大部分來自高管層，下屬員工要求他們撤換控制狂，這些高管完全不知該相信哪一方。所以他們把伯恩斯坦叫來幫忙想辦法。伯恩斯坦說：“即使是最差勁的微觀管理者通常也意識不到自己有點控制過度。他們還以為自己控制的程度剛剛好。”     造成這種錯覺的原因是什么呢？伯恩斯坦說：“這是因為他們都非常害怕。他們害怕犯錯誤，也害怕其他人的錯誤會為自己帶來壞影響。所以，自覺或不自覺地，他們都這樣認為：如果我不能控制到每一件小事，就肯定會出什么亂子�！�     伯恩斯坦說，認知這種恐懼情緒是問題的關鍵。他建議你和你的同事們可以嘗試以下措施：     1. 不要顯露出你的不快。伯恩斯坦說：“把某人叫做控制狂，或者他一靠近你就明顯地表現出惱火，只會讓他覺得他要對你更加小心提防�！�     而且決不要以為通過交流，就能把問題解決：“永遠不要以為可以通過談話交流，就能讓一位微觀管理者改變他的管理方式。即使是經驗豐富的心理治療專家，要想讓患有控制癖的人相信他們的行為可能會適得其反，帶來更多的麻煩，也會遇到問題

Dear Annie:We used to have a great team here, until our boss was replaced by a manager brought in from another part of the company who is now trying to control our every move. He insists on telling everyone what to do and how to do it in minute detail (even though we've all been excelling at our jobs for years). No detail is too ridiculously tiny to escape his scrutiny, and he's constantly issuing new rules and guidelines, some of which contradict each other.     As a result, some of us are just taking the passive-aggressive approach and ignoring him, which means he bears down harder on the whole group. I could give you examples that would curl your hair, but the point is, it's driving us nuts. Is there anything we can do to change his behavior, or do we just grin and bear it until the next boss comes along?-Gritting My Teeth     Dear GMT:Ah, the control-freak boss. We've all had one, at one time or other. "Overly controlling managers are one of the main types who make employees rebel," says Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D. (www.albernstein.com), a clinical psychologist for 35 years and author of a terrific new book called Am I The Only Sane One Working Here?: 101 Solutions for Surviving Office Insanity (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).     A big chunk of Bernstein's consulting practice comes from senior managers, urged by teams like yours to get rid of a control freak, who just don't know whom to believe. So they call Bernstein in to sort out the situation. "Even the worst micromanagers usually don't realize they're overly controlling," he says. "They think they're just controlling enough."     The cause of their delusion? "These are very frightened people. They are terrified of making a mistake, or of having someone else's mistake reflect badly on them," says Bernstein. "Consciously or not, how they view the world is, 'If I don't control every little thing, something terrible is going to happen.' "     Recognizing that fear is the key to taming it, Bernstein says. He recommends that you and your colleagues try these steps:     1. Don't let your annoyance show."Calling someone a control freak, or getting visibly irritated when he leans on you, will only make him think he needs to keep an even closer eye on you," Bernstein says.     And don't even think about trying to discuss the problem: "Forget trying to talk a micromanager out of being one. Even seasoned therapists have trouble convincing the control-obsessed that their behavior might be causing more problems than it's solving."

2.讓他安心，而不是揭他短。在一個項目開始前，一定要花時間弄清楚你的老板具體想要什么、希望它什么時候完成，以及希望它怎樣完成。伯恩斯坦說：“要詳細地做筆記。這樣做有兩個原因：首先，如果你看起來對待他的要求非常認真，他就不會那么擔心你犯錯”；其次，如果你能用書面形式制定出一個明確可預測的成果，并能在某個具體時刻得以實現，那么稍后如果你的老板試圖控制整個進程時——當然他肯定會的，這些筆記就會派上用場。     3. 在他未要求前主動給出進度報告。伯恩斯坦說：“最能緩解控制狂的擔憂情緒的莫過于日常報告以外額外的信息。這可以提醒他，你和他一樣認真地對待這個項目�！�     4. 當你老板試圖控制你的工作時，問他是否意味著最終目標已經修改。這時你就可以突然拿出在項目啟動會議上做的記錄了。伯恩斯坦說：“你可以把控制項目進程的試圖當作是修改最終目標的要求。如果終極目標沒有受到影響的話，為什么要改變進程呢？”     他還說：“毫無疑問，這個策略要想有效，你必須有成功完成過項目的經驗�！蹦愫湍愕耐�事肯定有這樣的經驗，對吧？     5.再接再厲。伯恩斯坦認為，如果你反復運用這些措施——只用一次是不夠的，并能夠真正地說什么就做到什么，你的老板就不會對你的表現那么擔心了，并且會轉而開始煩其他不那么負責的人了。     與此同時，伯恩斯坦也警告說，不要對行為乖癖的老板反應過度。他說：“人們通常會比較感性地回應控制欲過強的老板，這是由于他們內心有一股叛逆精神——你知道的，就是面對專橫的權威人士時，內心會發出一種反叛聲音：你又不是我的老板！這是人們對蠻橫無理管制的一種條件反射�！彼�還指出：“有些人內心的叛逆聲音要比其他人強烈，但我常常忠告人們，不能讓內心的叛逆精神左右自己的職業發展。”（財富中文網）

2. Use reassurance, not recrimination.Take the time before a project begins to get a clear and concrete outline of what your boss wants, when he wants it, and how he wants it done. "Take copious notes," Bernstein says. "There are two reasons for doing this. First, if you look as if you're taking his instructions seriously, he'll worry less about you making 'mistakes.' " And second, if you establish - in writing - a specific, measurable result to be delivered at a specific time, it will come in handy later on when your boss tries to control the process - which of course he will.     3. Give progress reports before he asks for them."Nothing allays a control freak's fears like excess information," says Bernstein. "Remind him that you are taking the project as seriously as he does."     4. When your boss tries to control your work, ask if this means the end product has changed.This is where you whip out your notes from that initial meeting. "Treat attempts to control the process as requests to change the end product," says Bernstein. "If the ultimate goal isn't affected, why change the process?"     "Needless to say, for this strategy to be effective, you need some history of delivering the goods," he adds. You and your teammates have such a history, right?     5. Keep up the good work.According to Bernstein, if you follow these steps several times - once is not enough - and actually do what you say you're going to do when you say you will do it, your boss will become less worried about your performance and go off to fuss over somebody less responsible.     Meantime, try not to overreact to your wacky boss, Bernstein cautions. "People often respond so viscerally to an over-controlling boss because of their own inner teenager - you know, that voice inside that reacts to overbearing authority with, 'You're not the boss of me,' " he observes. "It's a sort of knee-jerk resistance to arbitrary or unreasonable control." That voice is louder in some folks than in others, he notes, but "I always counsel people not to let their inner teenager make career decisions for them." Noted.

職場五大終極難題的溝通技巧

漲工資，改評估，打報告，要資源，提意見，這五個話題堪稱職場人士最難處理的問題，搞不好就會事與愿違。涉及到這類問題，怎么說往往比說什么還要重要。到底怎么談？專家在這里給出了有效的技術指導。

“我想加薪”     即使確實需要、而且也應該漲工資，要求加薪前人們仍很容易自我質疑：如果老板認為不值得給自己加薪怎么辦？如果老板有一陣子沒給人加薪了怎么辦？或者，讓老板覺得你總愛抱怨又該怎么辦？     暢銷書《關鍵對話：高效溝通的技巧》（Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High）一書的作者約瑟夫•格雷尼指出，爭取更好的待遇或者津貼不應該威脅到一個人的工作，但前提是你要采用正確的方法——特別是在得到賞識的時候。     那么得償所愿的關鍵是什么呢？格雷尼的建議是，忠于事實。     他說：“首先，上網研究一下薪酬情況，弄清楚本地區和自己從事類似工作的人拿多少工資。然后，準備有力的證據來說明為什么你的工作表現值得加薪�！�     格雷尼還建議，不管做什么，都不要說自己出于個人原因而需要提高工資（無論有多么緊急）。     他說，為了讓公司高層更容易接受你的觀點，“你要讓老板覺得這是他在了解情況后做出的商業決策，而不是在搞慈善捐款。” “我的業績考核不公正”     約瑟夫•格雷尼是一位經理人教練，他所在的領導力開發機構VitalSmarts設在猶他州普羅沃市。他說，如果年終考核沒有真正體現出你的出色之處，不要保持沉默。     即使最善意的領導在提交工作報告前也可能因為過度繁忙而忽略你的工作成績�；蛘撸�他們可能因為某個問題責怪你，但出現這個問題確有理由，而且這個問題可以得到補救。     格雷尼說：“沉默不語的風險可能比有話直說還大�！�     他指出，如果人事檔案中的考評結果為一般（或者更差），那就可能不公正地妨礙你在今后的工作中得到更好的機會。因此，“你需要冷靜地說明”，你認為哪些評價或批評并不公允。     同時，你要請上司詳細說明他（她）對你有什么樣的要求。格雷尼說，要設法弄清楚上司如何定義出色地完成工作，還要準備好多聽少說。     他還建議：“你要請對方更頻繁地提供反饋，甚至可以每周一次。這樣你就可以在需要的時候作出調整，而且這種調整要遠早于你的下次正式考核�！� “有人正在做可疑（或者非法）的事”     但愿你永遠不會碰上伯納德•麥道夫這樣的上司。但如果你發現自己的公司里出現了不端行為，你能做些什么呢？對老板守口如瓶有可能讓你背上和壞人串通一氣的罪名，檢舉揭發則可能讓別人認為你“不可共事”，這個標簽同樣可怕。     格雷尼說，幸運的是，你可以在不影響自己工作的情況下發出警告，但你需要像外交官那樣行事。     格雷尼建議：“首先你要說明自己是出于善意，同時強調你考慮的是老板的最佳利益。然后解釋一下，你認為如果這樣的行為繼續下去會產生什么樣的不利影響。”畢竟，人們都知道蒙蔽客戶、欺騙投資者以及其他不誠信的行為能毀掉一家公司，進而造成數千人瞬間失業。大家應該還記得安然（Enron）事件吧？

'I want a raise'     Before asking for a raise -- even if you need and deserve it -- it's easy to let self-doubt take over: What if your boss doesn't think you're worth the extra money? What if your boss hasn't had a pay bump for a while, either, and labels you a complainer?     Lobbying for a better salary or perks shouldn't jeopardize your career, though, if you do it the right way -- especially if you're a valued employee, says Joseph Grenny, who wrote the bestselling Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High.     The key to getting what you want? Stick to the facts, Grenny advises.     "First, research salary data online to find out what other people get paid for jobs like yours in your geographic area," he says. "Then, be ready to give solid evidence for why your performance merits more money."     Whatever you do, don't say you need more money for personal reasons (no matter how urgent), says Grenny.     To make it easier to sell the idea to higher-ups, "you want your boss to see this as an informed business decision, not a charitable contribution," he says. 'My performance review was unfair'     If your annual review didn't reflect your true wonderfulness, don't stew in silence, says Joseph Grenny, an executive coach at VitalSmarts, a leadership development firm in Provo, Utah.     Even the best-intentioned leaders are so overworked in these lean times that your achievements may sometimes slip past them. Or they may blame you for a problem when there are other, fixable reasons why it's occurring.     "Saying nothing may be a bigger risk than speaking up," says Grenny.     Since a so-so (or worse) appraisal in your HR file could unfairly block you from bigger career opportunities down the road, "you need to calmly set the record straight" about specific comments or complaints you believe are inaccurate, says Grenny.     Also ask your boss to go into detail about what he or she needs from you. Try to get insights into how this manager defines a job well done, says Grenny, and be prepared to do more listening than talking.     Grenny also advises: "Ask for more frequent feedback -- maybe even once a week -- so you can make course corrections if needed, long before your next formal evaluation." 'Something shady (or illegal) is going on'     Let's hope you never work for a Bernie Madoff type. But if you discover bad deeds are happening in your company, what can you do? Say nothing to your boss, and you risk seeming complicit in the wrongdoing. Speak up and you could earn that dreaded label, "not a team player."     Luckily, you can be a whistleblower without blowing your career, says Grenny. You'll need to be diplomatic, though.     "Start the conversation by sharing your good intentions and stressing that you have the boss's best interest in mind," Grenny suggests. "Explain the negative consequences you think will follow if the behavior continues." After all, bilking customers, deceiving investors, and other dodgy practices have been known to destroy companies, taking thousands of careers straight down the tubes. Remember Enron?

如果上司對你擔心的問題不屑一顧（“我們一直這么干”），甚至對你表示不滿（說聲再見，然后起身離開），那就把你發現的問題報告給更高層的管理者。     格雷尼說：“在這種情況下，找你老板的老板是恰當的做法。不過，這會讓你顯得不服從直接上司的指揮，所以建議你們三個人面對面地談一談。”     如果問題似乎一直牽連到公司最高層，那該怎么辦？這種情況下，你最好另謀高就。 “我沒有得到完成工作所需要的支持”     面對過時的設備、陳舊的軟件、缺乏條理的文件和不切實際的截止期限，或者一直缺乏技術熟練的支持性人員，高效地開展工作就會變得難得多。而且你可能會覺得老板不支持你，或者說完全不了解你的工作。     但格雷尼認為，就算已經忍無可忍，也不要貿然闖進老板的辦公室。相反，要安排一次會面。還要記住的一點是，幾乎可以肯定，老板本已上并不打算讓你陷入這種糟糕的境地。     格雷尼建議：“要以疑問的態度開始這場對話，而不是憤怒。”這樣老板就不至于對你置之不理。還要避免責難，妄下斷言，也不要逞口舌之快。     他說，相反，要冷靜地說明你所需要的支持和你得到的支持之間有什么樣的差距。     格雷尼指出：“解釋一下你感到擔心的原因，要把重點放在你們共同的目標上。接下來，主動交流。你的老板可能從另一個角度來看待這個問題。如果你對別人的觀點持開放態度，他們也會更容易接受你的觀點。” “你的策略很可笑”     你是否有過這樣的想法：“要是由我來負責，我們就會朝著截然不同的方向努力……”當然，最安全的做法是把這種想法完全留在心里。     但格雷尼指出，如果你的公司文化鼓勵通過辯論達成共識，以尊重的態度提出不同意見會帶來回報。但一定要讓別人明白，你這樣做是出于善意。     他說：“要充分表明，你提出的不同觀點可能有用，而絕不是要挖老板的墻角。”     格雷尼認為，怎么說比說什么更重要。所以態度要溫和，還要問許多問題。用事實來說明你為什么認為某項計劃不會奏效，而且要向老板表明，你的目的是幫助整個團隊取得成功。     他指出，得體地就現狀提出不同意見能體現出你的關切之情。這樣，“你的開誠布公就可能讓老板的態度變得更加坦誠�！毕Ｍ�是這樣。（財富中文網）     譯者：Charlie

If your boss pooh-poohs your worries ("This is how we've always done it"), or even retaliates against you (goodbye, raise), take your concerns upstairs.     "At that point, it's appropriate to approach your boss's boss," Grenny says. "But, so you don't seem to be going behind your boss's back, suggest that the three of you meet together."     What if the rot seems to go all the way up the organization chart? In that case, start looking for a new job. 'I'm not getting what I need to do the job'     If you're coping with outdated equipment, vintage software, pointless paperwork, unrealistic deadlines, or a perennial shortage of skilled support staff, it's much harder to work efficiently. And you may blame your boss for being unsupportive or just clueless.     Don't charge into your boss's office when you're completely fed up with the situation, though, says Grenny. Instead, schedule a meeting, and keep in mind that your boss is almost certainly not trying to make you miserable.     "Start the conversation with curiosity rather than anger," Grenny suggests. So the boss isn't tempted to tune you out, avoid accusatory, judgmental, or inflammatory language.     Instead, calmly describe the gap between the support you need and the support you're getting, Grenny advises.     "Explain why you're concerned, with emphasis on your common goals," he says. "Next, invite dialogue. Your boss may see the problem differently. If you're open to others' points of view, they'll be more open to yours." 'Your strategy is ridiculous'     Ever think, "If I were in charge around here, we'd go in a whole different direction..."? The safest option, of course, is to keep that opinion entirely to yourself.     But if your corporate culture encourages debate and consensus, respectfully disagreeing can pay off. Just make sure it's clear you have the best intentions for doing so, Grenny says.     "You want to establish up front that, far from trying to undermine your boss, you're offering a different viewpoint that might help," he says.     It's not so much what you say as how you say it, Grenny notes. So tread softly and ask lots of questions. Lay out facts supporting your view that a given plan won't work, then keep reassuring your boss that your goal is to help the whole team succeed.     Tactfully taking issue with the status quo shows you care, Grenny points out, so "the result of your openness could be a greater openness on your boss's part as well." Here's hoping.

很好

有見地！

失業的不是具體的專業和人，而是自己的心態；有多少是完全從事本專業的？